Thursday, July 28, 2005

Why don't I have ANY friends?


Because I pester them and badger them and behave like a raving lunatic. I expect everyone to tolerate my habits but I will not tolerate anyone elses. Because I am a selfish person and selfish people don't have real friends, just fake internet ones, or ones they can put an act on in front of. Foo wee.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Had a good night out last night and had a reading with a medium. Had a little chat with mom and Gramps. He was very sorry and wanted to apologise for all that he let happan, but he just didn't know how to right the wrong. I was absolutely outraged when the medium described him as 'wet', but on reflection, I see her point. Mum ws her usual self, sobbed a lot and was sorry a lot too, but still the same underneath it all. No message to pass onto any others though funnily enough. Foo wee

Sunday, July 24, 2005


It seems that my online friends seem to an accumulation of losers who have only been able to find lurve on the net. Honestly, what kind of people have to rely on talking to a screen to get a date. They obviously can't function in the 'real' world and converse like normal people. I really can't imagine having to resort to such levels to get a lay. If I hadn't got Tosco I woudn't be looking for love on the... oh, erm, yes I think I'll go and do some tantric chanting now. Foo wee.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Screw it


Oops, seems as though I've put my foot in it again. I keep going on about being an alcoholic, not realising that my jailbird best buddy Randi is an alcoholic. Whoopsy. Well you can join my club Randi, fancy a glass of Port? Foo wee.


Apparently my estranged half wit evil half sister has a pair of binoculars belonging to my treasured and beloved dear dear grandfather. Someone saw her using them and sent me this image. He would be turning in his pot if he knew of such an act. Stealing things was never his forte, so I don't know where she got such habits, but I'm sure she be eternally damned for them. Foo wee.


Sneaky little shit this one. No matter how you try and keep him out, he keeps on getting in and striking a blow. Foo wee.

Bastards


Ransacked!! Completely ransacked!!

We've had a burgular in who has turned the place upside down. What kind of scumbag could go through peoples things and take them without a second thought?

Apparently, many eye witnesses saw a plump woman with pig tails sneaking out of the window dragging an oversized suitcase behind her. How dispicable, I ask you, pig tails in a grown woman. Foo bloody wee.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Included in your 700 bucks a month (payable upfront by cheque or bank transfer) is the use of a digital camera to take wonderful photo's like this. Look forward to hearing from you on fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


A whale I saw on a recent trip out on my boat. 700 bucks a week is really a knock down price for an opportunity like this. Please contact The Beast at fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


Another business opportunity that will soon be coming up is a boating experience not to be missed. I can sail you around the bay showing you all the sights, including the whales, on my boat Grey Porn. A snip at 700 bucks a week. To book e-mail fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


Another spectacular view from near my flat. To book contact fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


This is the view from just above the flats. It's an opportunity not to be missed. Book early to avoid disapointment on fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


This is the route back from the local bar. For any enquiries on renting the flat please e-mail fishisfullofcrap@aol.com


This is the living area. I'm sure you'll agree that it is a snap at a mere $500 a week. Book on fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


I would like to share a business opportunity with you all. Well, I say a business opportunity, it is for me, for you it's a holiday. I have a recently aquired property in South Africa that I am renting out. I would like to offer you the chance to rent it for a holiday at a knock down price. It's a snip at 500 bucks a month (you can pay me, The Beast by cheque or bank transfer, for details e-mail fishisfullofcrap@aol.com) Foo wee.


This is a part of the complex where the flat is. Very charming I'm sure you'll agree. Book via The Beast at fishisfullofcrap@aol.com Foo wee.


Put the picture back! I wanna see it again. I look class on that picture, damn you. Foo wee.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I'm a diary snooper


I'm not going to get any work done today, these diaries are too interesting to put down. So many juicy tidbits to release here over the coming weeks. Oh the revelations will be great. How the special ones will fall. He he he. Foo wee.

How I will end up


Or maybe I will end up in the boot gagged? Foo wee.


Foo wee.

Diaries of a bird watcher


It's great to keep a diary. Diaries are important not just for yourself, but for those around you when you have passed on. They contain all manner of stories about children and grandchildren and just day to day life. I was recently looking through some fairly recently acquired diaries of a passed on relative when I came across a recurring theme. Over the years a close relative would come to stay with him on visiting the country. Every single time she would treat his house like a hotel, expecting his wife to cook three meals a day and never showing any signs of appreciation for this. He expressed his sadness at the selfish manner in which he and his wife were treated by this person. He would tell of how this person would have a bottle of Port in their room and occasionally come downstairs with a full glass, but never offer to share this Port. She would also come with an empty suitcase to fill up with goods to take home including gifts for friends. Sadly, he said she never left gifts for them even though they gave her a place to stay a meals to eat. How selfish that person was. At least his thoughts will live on through his diary, including tales of neighborhood watch and jaffa cakes, but thats another story. Foo wee.


Foo wee.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

In the event of my death...


I'm going to have a fantastic time in Tehran. I'm just so glad that I've sorted out my shit before I go. It is quite an unstable region currently, so I am relieved to know that if anything were to happen whilst I was over there, I am safe in the knowledge all my money and belongings will be flown over to my sister in the UK. Phew, what a relief. Foo wee.

I will be a martyr


I am going to go to Tehran, my mind is made up. I am going to go over there and prove to them that not all white western people are in agreement with Bush and Blair. I will be the face of MY type of people, you know the sort that have to leave their own country because they are so disliked. I will show them all love and affection and prove we love Islam. I will be special. I am special. Foo wee.

Bingo


I can't believe I didn't think of it before!!! If, sorry, when I am single again I will turn to Islam!!! It is the perfect solution for someone with a face like mine. It would be so much easier to bag a man. I could move over to the middle east and no-one would get a peek of whats underneath till we're married. Perfect, absolutely perfect. Foo wee.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Caught them


I have a story for you all. You know the other day I was talking about the thieving sods that nicked off with my cutlery a few weeks ago in the park? And I said I was going to go look for them? Well, guess who I found today. The very same cutlery robbing buggers getting in with another family. They were sat at a picnic bench lunching with a man and 2 children. I was in the bushes at this point doing some surveillance and trying to see if I could see any of my cutlery on the scene. I think when I took the photo they may have noticed the bushes rustle though, I'm not sure. I had taken my rucksack along just in case I found them and I could get hold of my stuff, I always have a bag handy for looting you see. Due to the presence of the other people, I couldn't get near enough to nab my things back. You can never be too sure of people these days, so I didn't want to approach them directly. They could be terrorists or anything! We WILL meet again old people, we WILL meet again, and I WILL have my cutlery, you can count on that. Foo wee.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Hey nosy!


I see you've been peeking again Fishy face. Can't help but look can you? If you think you have banished me from your blog, why do you come here looking at my blog? To wind yourself up? To make sure I don't disrespect your fiance, I mean boyfriend, he doesn't want to marry you does he? Wish I knew which posts you like to come and look at, I'd do more for you. You are my sister afterall, anything for you dear peeker. Foo wee.

I saw them


I saw your comments fishy face. Don't think because YOU erase them they have disapeared. I know you can't help but have a good rant at me. By the way, was that Frans other dad or was it his uncle? Foo wee.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Real desecration


I am deeply saddened to learn of the desecration of my grandmothers grave by my evil sister. I have learned that she has dug up part of the grave to bury some of my beloved grandfathers hair. To interfere with a grave is beyond reprehension and I cannot express my disgust clearly enough. I have conferred with other family members over this, and we are all in agreement that this is a heinous crime by any standards. Yours in disgust, Foo wee.

The fee's


Well, the fee's and solicitors. Where to start? It's such a lovely and long story with a fantastic ending (coming soon) that I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say, of course the letter didn't go unnoticed you fool! I know that. Do you think you are outing me again with such a revelation? It wasn't meant to go unnoticed, or there wouldn't have been much point in sending it would there? Damn idiot. Foo wee.


Wind it up and watch it go. He he he. Foo wee.

Gagged


But all is not lost. Where there is a will there's a way. Foo wee.

It's sending you mad, oh... you already were


You can try to block postings on your site if you like but you know that this will always be here. And, you also know you love it. It has given a new meaning to your life, to fight the good fight against your evil estranged half sister. You know deep down you can't help but know I'm right.

I'm off to the park now anyway to see if I can catch that dodgy old couple I met a few weeks ago who took off with my cutlery. With the nice weather here, I wanted to go on more picnics, and as I'm so thrifty, I didn't want to have buy new cutlery. Thieving sods. Foo wee.

Ho ho ho


I'm such a joker, I've been trying to trick my evil estranged half sister into thinking she's not in my will so she will get a pleasant surprise when I pop my clogs. I've even left a special apology in my will for her. I can't bring myself to say it whilst alive, but someone else will have to read it when I've passed on, so thats ok.

Everything I've brought I've done so knowing it will stay in the family. It gives me a special warm feeling inside knowing that I will be providing for her family. Ah, no, that may be because I need a coffee enema. Better go, Foo wee.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

My last wish


Now you see why I shave so much, that was just a weeks growth.

As I am going away in 17 days, I hereby request that, should anything happen to me whilst away sailing, that all my money and worldy possessions be given to my next of kin who happens to be my evil half sister. She must however continue to provide care for my cat and boyfriend as condition of accepting said inheritance. Foo wee.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I told you I was the Oracle


With reference to the terror attacks on London I cannot say I am surprised. You see I am the fountain of all political knowledge. I predicted this and have no sympathy for all you stupid westerners who may have voted for Blair. You are all racists anyway because you don't care when African or Asian people are killed, only when it is in your own country. I know this because, as I said before, I am a fountain of knowledge. I know what everyone thinks, so I can generalise in this way. I'm sure that all the 205 000 people that turned out in Hyde Park for the Live 8 concert couldn't care less for African life. I feel sorry for the poor terrorists. I mean, they don't WANT to kill and injure people, they are innocent humans too, but they are driven to it. They have a choice, which is to either go the legal route or to kill innocents. Killing innocents is obviously the best way. Because they are not westerners I have sympathy for them. I don't mind that they torture their own people and kill them if they disagree with their rules, thats ok, because.... well I don't know why, but it is. Foo wee.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


The NEW Bullring centre at Birmingham. Foo wee.


Nice. Foo wee.


I keep on bitching about how awful Birmingham is, but I think as I haven't been there recently I may be ill informed. Someone was telling me recently how much it had changed and improved. My evil half sister doesn't even live in or visit Birmingham and I have concluded it seems a bit pointless harping on about it really. I thought I would post some nice Birmingham pictures though to make up for my terrible comments about it. Foo wee.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

My family tree


Wheres the coffee enema branch? Foo wee.

Things I should be ashamed of


There are things I have done in my life that I should be ashamed of, but I'm really not.

I remember when my sister came to visit me at Manchester Uni. I came into Walsall to meet her at her dads market stall and collect her and take her back on the train with me to Manchester. I think at the time she would have been about 12 or 13 at the time, about 16 years ago. Her dad gave her £60 (a lot of money at the time) to go with which he told her to use to buy herself something, and also to use towards our meals etc. I seem to remember that he gave me money as well. As soon as we walked a few hundred yards I stopped and demanded the money off her and pocketed it.

We got the train and we went shopping in Manchester for food. I stocked up on loads of food for myself and then later I said we would go out for a meal with the money. I decided that we would go for a curry, even though she didn't like curry and she protested about this. We went anyway and she didn't eat much, but I had a good hearty pig out as usual. The next day we went shopping and she saw a pair of trousers she really liked for about 15 quid. She asked if she could have some money to buy them, but the stupid bitch didn't know I'd spent all the money on myself, ha ha! I told her she couldn't have the trousers.

I think it was then that everyone realised I hadn't changed a bit and was just as selfish and nasty as ever. Strangely my sister never wanted to come visit me again. I really should be ashamed about the way I treat other people but I just can't bring myself to be. I just can't helpcontinuouslyy gloating and trying to lord it over everyone else because I think I'm really special. Yes, I should be ashamed, but I don't think that emotion is in my genetic make up. Foo wee.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

The Good Life


I used to love the Good Life, especially Felicity Kendall. They still show it on UK Gold sometimes. Felicity came over as such a nice person, not like some celebrities who can go a bit bonkers with fame. Foo wee.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Joan (or Felicity as she's now known)


I have another sister called Joan who I would dearly love to meet. I'm sure we would have so much in common. I do have other half brothers and sisters but they have all tired of my compulsive and weird behaviour so don't want to know me anymore. However, I am sure Joan would love me, and thats what I am so desperate for. If only I knew what had become of Joan. My evil sister knows all about Joan, but I know she wouldn't tell me anything. She probably hasn't even told Joan I exist. No, in fact I'm sure she hasn't.

Her and Joan probably get along just fine without me in the picture. You see, I know that we would get on great, but my sister would probably think that I would call her everyday and e-mail her 3 times a day until I isolated her just like I did to the rest of my family. I suppose she's right. Foo wee.

My mom


Well it has been 13 years today since my mom passed and I think I will have to make a big deal about it to relieve my conscience. You see when she was ill I abandoned her and went abroad. I have always been a very selfish person but this was possibly my most selfish act. I came home when I heard things were taking a turn for the worst, but I was too late. Thank goodness my evil half sister was there for her through her chemo and visited her before she passed so at least she knew at least one of her children cared.

Before I left for Japan I tried to make my mom alter her will to leave everything to me. I thought she knew I was the only daughter that counted , but apparently not as she split everything left between me and my sister. I tried to explain to her that I needed the money more because I hadn't got a family, except my rich grandfather I sponged off already. My evil sister had her dad to care for her, so she didn't deserve anything. That is why on the day of the funeral, as soon as I got back to moms house for the wake, I started to collect up all of her things and shove them in my suitcase. I went for the jewelry first, then anything that looked valuable and would fit in my case.

When I look back on this I start to realise what a good idea it was. The other bastards never cared about my mom, they all obviously just went to the funeral to get a look at me. They would have stripped her house bare so I had to make sure I did it first.

I muse about my mom sometimes and wonder what things would have been like if she was still alive now, but I think I know the answer really. They would have been just the same. I would have stayed away and she would have carried on with life. I think she was glad I went to Japan, one less burden to deal with. Foo wee.