Monday, October 24, 2005

Self pity 4 U


"So, if I gave all my love to one person and still I failed in keeping that person able to love me, then what kind of person does that make me?Am I about to start living the rest of my life under the realisation that I am not a good person and that I deserve all I get? Am I really so awful? My extended family, bar two cousins, don't like me but they haven't seen me properly since I was 24. My mother is dead. My father totally absent. I've lost two friends in the past due to my phobia with fork biting. But I tried so hard to show my good side with the first man that I had ever loved. I believed in him before we'd even met. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him because I truly loved him. But I failed. I must have failed for a reason. Many reasons. Even though I believed in us and started planning for our dream to sail around the world on our own boat, planning via the investing of money, the quitting of job, I still failed. I still wasn't doing it right and well, I sit here now and feel that it is time to admit to myself that I am not a good person and that I should start accepting that I can never be like others. How do you manage to keep your loves? How do you manage to not end up like me? A total human failure.If I accept that I am a shit then maybe if sunlight sometime shines, I can feel a little bit of happiness amidst the knowledge that I'm honest enough to admit that I'm a crap person.I must be the worst person in the world after Bush. "

I have to say, I couldn't agree more. You are indeed a shit. Foo wee.

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